Due to our most recent encounter, I feel as if I should say something. It seems as if I owe you something. An open door into the world of Stephanie, is it? You have a right to know, you say? Huh, that's odd. I don't remember handing out an All Access Pass to my life to you, but hey. What do I know? Apparently my opinion means squat and should be completely obliterated because I don't even know what I want. Thank goodness I have you around to keep me going! I am still in utter shock that I've made it this far in life without you by my side. Not only should God bless America, but God bless you.
You, dear friend, are my inspiration.
You want to know things. Ok, I get that. If given the opportunity, I'm sure you would ask some really great questions that would suppress any and all pent up tension, emotion and/or curiosity. Oh, wait. You had that opportunity, yet you did not jump. Hmm.
So what is it exactly that you want to know ...errr deserve to know, rather? It seems as if I've kept a great deal from you. Is it secrets you want? Do you want to know my feelings? ...Addictions? ...Past actions? What about my ambitions or goals? ...Allergies? ...Medications? Ok, ok. How about we do this. Let's go old school and MySpace questionnaire this mother. I'll anticipate some potential questions and answer them for you. Oh, and by anticipate I mean google a survey that was probably intended for exploitation of some emo middle schooler with internet access.
How gracious of me, I know. What can I say? I am probably the most amazing human form that has ever walked this planet. Whatevs. I take it in stride and stay humble, of course. Please do me a favor in return though. If you could, please ever so kindly take your creepy voyeurism and FLUSH IT. Sweet. Thanks.
Hi.
My name is Stephanie.
This is my life.
Facts:
Secrets:
- Hey. You suck. Surprise!
- I feel that you are an annoying person.
- I think that you are an annoying person.
- Diet Coke.
- Ok, I know what you're thinking. Yes, you. You kind of asked, but you kind of didn't. Therefore, I kind of answered, but kind of didn't. What up, reciprocity? To answer your question as a fact... Yes. Yes, I did. I told you, lady. I don't play.
- Well... I have them somewhere, I'm sure.
- World domination.
- Bitches and pollen.
- Not enough to rationalize our friendship.
Questions:
Is there anybody you wish would fall of the face of the earth?
- Oh hi, what is your name again?
- In a very unsanitary way. Yea, that's right.
- Duh. I like germs, not death.
- Not you.
- Ammunition and mouthwash.
- Raven Symone.
- Crack Cocaine.
- No, but I knuckle my Crack.
- Happiness is a Warm Gun.
- No, I'm not stupid.
- Being better than you.
- Homicide.
- This.
- Afghanistan, yo.
- The one that involves judging you, please. Amen.
- Candor.
- You.
- I like to think of it as self-preservation.
- Confounding. I embrace it, as should you.
Ps, if there is a hint of fear boiling in the pit of your stomach that is leading you to believe this was targeted at you... woops. You have more than likely done something wrong. Fix it.
If you are somewhat anxious that some of this bitterness could apply to some aspect of our relationship, do me a favor. Stop being so paranoid. You're really not that cool.
If you know for a fact, given the current state of our friendship, that none of this is applicable to you, cool. I'm glad. However, don't hate on my malevolence. Please remember I have nothing better to do.
Good day, lovers. Good day.