If you are old and are enrolled in college classes, that is fine. I support your determination of bettering the lives of your handicap dog, illiterate son and/or decrepit wife that made your college diploma her dying wish. Really though, props. I commend your continual efforts and willingness to do nothing else but study for this class and up your participation points, but please. Do me a favor. Lay off. I thought sitting in class behind you was bad enough, but never did I consider the ramifications of signing up for an online class with your crumbling bones and deteriorating prostate..
Participation grades are distributed by comparing a student's feedback to that of everyone else in the class. Your novel size submissions are ruining the curve, old man. My family gives canes and sweater vests to our aged loved ones. I don't know who decided a computer was a suitable Christmas gift for you, but whoever they are, I hope a tragic need for a suppository is in their midst.
I don't care if nonverbal communication is your new passion in life. From my observations of you over the course of this semester, clearly this is the case. Ever thought of a hobby? You know, like pedophilia or stamp collecting? There are a lot of cool destinations in Raleigh to take up both of these great things. If you don't like stamps, try hunting for lamps or some other useless trash-to-treasure that serves no purpose but creating a new home for dust bunnies. Why? Because right now the only antique collecting dust is you on your dial-up internet updating your damn Vista posts.
I do not care that you have all of these really great examples of the topic at hand since you have been alive for such a long freaking time. I'm sure a lot of cool shit happened to my grandparents too, but that doesn't mean they send out a press release every time they happen to remember something so they can share how it impacted them. No one cares about the time you used body language to deter a bar squabble. By bar, we know you mean strip club. By squabble, we know you mean a fight that was instigated by you asking for special favors from a dancer that turned out to be one of your granddaughter's best friends. Just because you used the word squabble doesn't change the fact no one cares.
I do not care that you just learned about that cool "new Google feature" and all the information you can find just by typing things into the little white box. One, it's called a search engine. Two, go eat your prunes. Yes, online books exist, but no one cares what the author of the book had to say about kinesics. If we did, we probably would have read it in the first place. Stop quoting the chapter for paragraphs at a freaking time. We all have copy and paste capabilities too, dawg. That doesn't mean we use them. Can someone please tell your bedside nurse to trade in that keyboard and mouse for a bedpan? Thanks.
I am really sorry about whatever war, job opportunity or bastard child that stifled your initial plans of going to college when everyone else your age did, but please. Stop caring about this class so much. For real. Consider this my card of sympathy that sings you a really obnoxious song and has a picture of Troy and Gabriella on the front. Shoo, I'll even throw in some stickers. Look at that, there is even a slot for money! I know, best card ever. You're welcome.
Now turn off your computer and take your medication. The rest of us have a GPA to maintain.
