I could continue on about all the great finds in my room over the past years. Honestly though, I just end up keeping most of the clothes I had planned to get rid of. This time around, I had a new approach. Throw everything in the floor, and put what I want back in the closet, drawer, or shelf where it belonged. I get fed up with things quite easily, so let's just say there are four boxes of useless items I've collected over my lifetime just sitting in Bonnie's room right now waiting for someone else to deal with them. Needless to say, I will not be that someone else.
Ladies and gentlemen, I finally finished with the clothes. I am not lying, I swear. My clothes have been dealt with. I accomplished something today that I haven't done since middle school. I made it to the bookshelf. That's right. The bookshelf. Apologies to all of you who have ever given me picture albums or handcrafted sheets with quotes and memories we've shared on them. They were the first things I threw away. Sorry 'bout it. Just think though! If I wouldn't have gotten rid of those babies, I never would have come across the true treasure.
A notebook filled with every inappropriate poem, condescending rap and lustful limerick I ever composed in high school. Well, the ones that weren't thrown away out of fear, confiscated or given away. Don't worry, there are still dozens. Don't underestimate the power of Stephanie with new pens in AP History. Although there were pages and pages of these little gems, only one page was laminated. Printed, text centered.. and yes, laminated.
Larry Gardner taught History, but for me, he taught much more. What exactly? That as long as you make good grades and follow directions, you can literally make fun of your teacher as much as you want with no repercussions. I gave him a nickname: Lare Bear. Much to his dismay, it stuck. We even made t-shirts. I gave him a slogan: Every Gardner needs a hoe. That stuck too. The only thing that didn't stick was the Care Bear material we barricaded his driveway with one Sunday afternoon.
Laminated in all its glory, I give you:
LARE BEAR.
The poem.
Lare Bear Baby, what ever is wrong?
You're a bit ill and your face is so long.
Long as in sad, not length or in size;
When you act in this way, your first period cries.
When you're in this mood, you just complain and pick fights.
Nothing the smart kids say or do ever seems right.
We care about your happiness, welfare and youth.
Go home. Hold your baby! Pull your other daughter's tooth.
You could go to the zoo! We know you'll have a blast.
Just leave. Walk out the door! No one cares about America's past.
Okay, so some people do, but not us! We're AP.
We're only in this class for the credit. Oh wait, maybe that's just me.
You just want us to do well on the exam, that's why you yell and you cuss.
But according to others, even if we fail, Jesus still has to love us.
"TRIAL BY JURY!!!" is what you're currently screaming about now.
I sure wish I knew what you were soap box preaching about.
You have supported and motivated us all throughout this year,
But face it.. we go to Burns. Instead of learning history, we'd prefer to shoot deer.
Please don't take offense. This is a poem made with love, not aggravation.
Despite what you may think, we kind of enjoy listening to you blab about our nation.
At the beginning of the year we learned about the Jacksonian Era and the Souix Indian tribe,
But now we just discuss Braie's choice of clothing and who in the county office to bribe.
I know you're mad because I wrote this instead of going over that test,
But the thing is I wasn't here Friday, so I don't have the answers. I'm not trying to be a pest.
Mid-semester, I got lazy in your class. My participation grade was given, how you say, "with grace."
I should just go join the EC Department down the hall, it's probably more my pace.
You shall always know me as, "Stephanie, the girl who started to take the EOC, but immediately died."
If I ever told you I knew something about history, I think it's probably best that I tell you that I lied.
Not being able to list presidents or recall random dates, believe me, it makes me sick.
I've actually only memorized one thing. The preamble to the Constitution.. last year in Civics.
Even if failing the EOC involves taking this class over again,
I will do what I have to do, and I will take it like a man.
I know this is terribly disappointing and even down right sad,
But don't worry, Lare. We both know you could never stay mad.
When I remember our time together, I won't remember your bad attitude, lack of optimism or hostile lectures spoken,
No, baby. I will just remember all the wonderful memories with you; because you, Lare Bear, are my love token.
-
Much love to your wife and kids. I'm sorry for ruining the class curve. I plan to draw a picture of the exam, so I hope you like it. Let me know if you want a t-shirt with your name on it. We have some extras. For some reason nobody else wanted one. Weird.
In conclusion, some things change and some things don't. This, unfortunately, is one of those things. Happy reading.