Year 0:
- Bonnie names me.
- Monogram established.
- Still abnormally bald.
- Pictured in the newspaper for no good reason besides my dad knowing a man who owned a camera.
- Still bald, yet somehow wearing a bow.
- White hair sprouts. Success.
- I learn my birthday and spread the word.
- I fall off the slide, but lie and say some harlot named Kristen did it because I am coerced by Bonnie and her cool friends.
- I tell a boy named Jimmy that I am going to be his wife.
Present day: Jimmy is in jail. - Want to be a cheerleader for the Panthers.
- What up, kindergarten?
- Reign over the Craft Center.
- Make frenemy for K-12, Anna Carpenter.
- In love with Drew Howell, rat tail and all.
- Chicken out of getting my ears pierced.
Oh hey, surprise. I'm five.
- Joutfits galore.
- Life of soccer begins. Thanks, Ed.
- Make an official BFF.
- Learn what BFF means.
- Perfumed lotion makes me itch and no one believes me.
- Confuse "hail" and "hell" and serve a sentence in Time Out because of the mix-up.
- Drew Howell gets rid of the rat tail.
- Fall in love all over again.
- Bucket hats are my jam.
- Finally get my ears pierced.
- Get my first bloody nose at school.
- Piano lessons begin.
- Learn to give correct instructions on how to make a peanut butter sandwich. Thanks, Mrs. Bradley. You rock.
- Do my own hair for soccer pictures Fall and Spring.
Epic fail, twice.
- Get da chub. Thanks, Chef Boyardee.
- Brace face.
- Have my first male teacher.
- Win 1st place in the Math Team Competition for the county.
- Win 1st place in the Individual Student Math Competition for the county.
- Get a cool neon Math Team hat.
- Change the words of Christina Aguilera's What a Girl Wants to a summary of Gilligan's Island. First legitimate group project. Success? Hardly.
- Want to be a fashion designer.
Make the AIM screen name to prove it. - Spice Girls. Enough said.
- Learn every cuss word. Thanks, Casey.
- Get 4th place in the Math Team Competition for the county. Fail.
- 6th grade, ew.
- Hair turns curly.
- American Eagle plaid button down shirts, worn open.
- Carry my first pocketbook in public.
- Cheat on a math test.
- Camp Caswell Talent Show:
Dance to Geri Halliwell's new hit single. No joke.
- Hold my first gerbil.
- Become a thief of all things belonging to Bonnie.
- Make a solar system of cookies. Delivered in pizza boxes.
- Find out that people my age have sex. Possible?
- Make Bonnie cry and leave her lying in kitchen floor.
Still sorry about that, ps.
- Own a straightener.
- Print out Abercrombie and Fitch wish lists after school on the daily.
- Lose braces.
- Buy bottle cap belt. Bad idea.
- Wear bottle cap belt. Worse idea.
- Transfer schools.
- Lose da chub and then some.
- Transition from Right to Sweeper.
- Wear make up for the first time.
- Wear make up for the last time.
- Learner's permit, word.
- Look sickly.
- Goodwill t-shirts take over my wardrobe.
- Transfer again.
- Appendix ruptures.
- Hot bod gets gangrene, sexy.
- Driver's license retrieval.
- Total car. Woops.
- Scare the mess out of everyone that knows me. Success.
- Color my hair brown. Look gothic.
- Abnormal obsession with golf and boys that play it.
- Force everyone to listen to Cake.
- Make Colt 45 the soccer team theme song.
- She's the Man.
- Overrated, yet so not.
- Yo college.
- Most legit birthday celebrations ever.
- Fainting begins.
- Courtney Fells is my baby daddy.
- Make Bonnie love me and like me all at the same time.
- Lose roommate, gain closet space.
- Make purple.
- Live with 40 girls. Bad idea.
- Live with 3 girls. Better idea.
- Make Anne's wildest dreams come true.
- Insides blow up again - times about 72.
- Get money. New money.
The end of the beginning of the end.